Does it sometimes feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page? Do you feel like you are doing everything you can do, but you still don’t know what your partner actually wants? Luckily, Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, came up with the revolutionary concept of the 5 love languages when he recognized that couples’ answers to love questions tended to fall into 5 separate categories. After years of counseling couples in crisis, Dr. Chapman said, “It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner,” he explains. “I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.” The basic premise of Dr. Chapman’s love languages is that different people with different personality types express love in different ways. Every single individual prefers at least 1 of these love languages above the others, and often an individual can have more than 1 love language.
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First of all, what are the 5 different love languages?
1. Acts of Service: doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. For example, cooking them a meal, washing dishes or vacuuming are all acts of service.
2. Words of Affirmation: using words to build up the other person. For example, say: “Thank you for taking the garbage out,” rather than: “It’s about time you took the garbage out!”
3. Quality Time: giving your spouse your undivided attention. For example, taking a walk together or sitting on the couch talking and listening to one another.
4. Physical Touch: holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing and intimate time.
5. Gift-Giving: when you give a gift, the other person will think, “He was thinking about me, look what he got me!”
#1 Acts of Service
1. Give them a day off
If he wants to do nothing but lay in the grass all day long — let him! This is his day, so help him to relax by picking up a little extra slack. Do the chores around the house so he or she doesn’t have to, and let them know it’s okay to not answer texts or interact with anyone he or she doesn’t want to. Give her a spa retreat.
2. Breakfast in bed
When you’re in a relationship with someone whose love language is acts of service, ask yourself, “What can I do to make their day better?” When you start the day with a kind act, the rest of the day just falls into place. Make her breakfast in bed to remind her she’s your queen.
3. Clean their car
When you have a partner whose love language is acts of service, do something for them that you know they would like or that would be helpful to them. Even if they haven’t told you explicitly that washing their car would help them, take the initiative! Take care of an item that means a lot to them so they know you listen when they mention what is valuable to them.
4. Make them a special dinner
Someone whose love language is acts of service is really going to love when their partner does something for them totally unexpectedly and entirely for them! In addition to helping him or her check something off of their to-do list, make them their favorite meal — even if you’re not fond of it. This act says, “I care about what you like and that you enjoy this time.”
5. Do something they’ve been putting off
What do they hate to do? Has she been putting off the laundry? Or has he been putting off cleaning the cat’s litter box? Does your man hate ironing his work shirts? Whatever task just irks your partner to no end — do that. For someone whose love language is acts of service, they will feel truly loved when their partner takes something off of their to-do list. It will make them feel recognized when you take over a project they’ve been meaning to do but either don’t have the time to do, or just really don’t want to do.
#2 Words of Affirmation
6. Write them a letter, poem or song
People with the words of affirmation love language need to hear their partner tell them, “I love you.” Even better is when your partner tells you the reasons why you are so special to them. Go above and beyond by writing your girl a sentimental letter, listing out all the reasons she is so special to you. Or, write him a song and serenade him when he gets home from a long day. He will absolutely love it.
7. Get creative with sticky notes
One of the greatest creations of all time is sticky notes. Seriously. If you don’t already have a bucket of sticky notes, get yourselves some pronto. Especially for someone whose love language is words of affirmation, receiving random notes throughout the week of encouragement or reminders that their partner loves them is just the absolute best thing.
8. Create a scrapbook
Buy a unique looking scrapbook, print out photos of special moments and memories that the two of you shared and write meaningful messages specifically for your boo. Fill up the whole book with moments throughout your time together. This way, your partner can have a physical book of your love they can look at whenever they’re feeling down or having a bad day.
9. Design your own card
A great way to send him or her little notes of encouragement is with cards that you design yourself! Make a couple different ones, write reasons you love her or why she is so special to you and give them to her on random days when she is least expecting it! Surprises like these with words of love will remind your partner just how loved they truly are. This gift idea can work as both words of affirmation and gift-giving!
10. Words of Love necklace
If your partner has the love language words of affirmation, you can’t get any better than this words of love necklace! With this darling sterling silver necklace, you can personalize it with any words you want! For instance, you could include your vows, a personal poem you wrote for her or the lyrics to a song that you wrote or that they just love! No matter what words of love you chose, your girl can keep this with her and carry it around everywhere she goes so she can be reminded of your love each and every day.
#3 Quality Time
11. Board Game Night
When you play board games together, you’re letting them know you love spending time with them and that you are happy when they are happy. This weekend, pick out something they love to play — Apples to Apples, Cards Against Humanity, or Betrayal at House on The Hill — and settle down for a night of just you and them. When you make this a regular date night, your partner will know that you are making time for them.
12. Gift Certificate for Favorite Hobby
When it comes to quality time, a person who has this as his or her love language appreciates a partner who will plan a day just for the two of them. Does your girlfriend love to do arts and crafts? Get her a gift card for Hobby Lobby or Michaels. Does your man like to work out or play sports? Get him a gift card to Big 5 Sporting Goods. Not all hobbies require a gift certificate, though! If he loves hiking, rock-climbing, camping, biking, kayaking or other outdoor activities, then go on an adventure with him! Whatever it is, take part in your partner’s passion to create special moments of togetherness.
13. Tickets to Live Music, Comedy Act or Theater Production
Is there a band that the two of you love? What about a comedian? Do the two of you just love the theater? Get your boo tickets to an event and make a date out of it! Time is a precious commodity, but when you make time for your partner by planning a night out, you can make the most of your hours by committing at least a few of them to your relationship.
14. Take a Creative Class Together
Do something new together! In addition to old hobbies and passions, a great way to spend some quality time with your partner is to go on a new adventure with your woman or man. When you do something you’ve never done, the two of you are learning more about each other. No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, there is always more to learn. Check out a pottery, cooking or art class to create new moments with the one who is the most important to you.
15. Go to a New Restaurant
Adventure to a new restaurant together and try out a new cuisine! Never had Indian food? Surprise your partner on date night. Been wanting to check out that new Chinese place around the corner? Grab your guy and get going! Or, go to a beloved restaurant that holds a lot of meaning to the two of you, like where he proposed or where she told you she loved you for the first time.
#4 Physical Touch
16. Massage Oil & give them a massage
Plan on a romantic night in with the love of your life. Purchase some massage oil and help them to relax by giving them a foot, hand or head rub. Holding hands, kissing and cuddling are all great ways to show you love your partner whose love language is physical touch.
17. A New Dress & A Night Out Dancing
When you go out dancing, it will feel great moving with your partner. If this isn’t something you do often, it will feel exciting being swung around in your partner’s arms. Try it out — you and your partner will love it, guaranteed.
18. Watch a Scary Movie & Cuddle
There really is no better way to get some physical touch in than a scary movie. Pop some popcorn, turn off all the lights and snuggle up under an oversized blanket with your boo. You’ll feel connected and protected with his arms around you.
19. Make sure you kiss at least once a day
We all have busy schedules and, believe it or not, it can be difficult for some couples to make sure they kiss every day. When your partner has the physical touch love language, make sure you catch them before they run off to work or right when they return home each night. There are a lot of ways you can make sure you get enough physical touch in each and every day, and this is an easy one: a kiss in the morning and a cuddle at night and your spouse will feel loved every day.
20. Take a yoga class together
If you’re looking for more creative ways to get some physical touch in, take up a new hobby that puts the two of you in physical contact with one another. For instance, you could learn some new yoga poses together, go to a gym and help each other work out or take up self-defense classes and practice on each other at home! Tickle fights are always a great option, too.
#5 Gift-Giving
21. Personalized Necklace
With a personalized necklace, she will feel like you care about the things that make her unique. Whether it’s a personalized quote, set of coordinates, song lyric or date, there are many ways you could help design her new favorite necklace. With a personalized necklace, she can wear it around all day long and remind herself that you took the time to find and help design a meaningful jewelry item just for her.
22. Subscription to an Online Styling Service
The gift that keeps on giving! With an online style service, you can ensure your girl always looks her best. And when she looks her best, she feels her best. If your girl likes clothes and also has the love language of gift-giving, this is a great option.
23. Book of the Month subscription
If your partner loves to read, a book of the month subscription is a no-brainer. Or, if you don’t want to commit to a subscription, then get them just one book! For someone whose love language is gift-giving, the gift itself is a symbol of love. Therefore, when she or her receives those books, they are really thinking, “they remembered! They were thinking of me!”
24. Pick up a tasty treat on your way home
Giving gifts doesn’t always have to come with a high price tag! Does your man love cupcakes, cookies or ice cream? Whatever tasty treat he loves, pick up a batch at your local bakery on your way home from work. He will appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort you went to to make him happy.
25. Make the most of small gifts & unusual holidays
When you’re in a relationship with someone whose love language is gift-giving, always been on the lookout for small gifts. Where does she shop for shoes? What store does he always wander into when you two are perusing the mall? Pay attention to his or her likes and dislikes and file them away for future thoughtful gifts for those unusual holidays. Hand your man a beer on National Beer Day, make your girl a grilled cheese on National Grilled Cheese Day, or get her some new bath towels on National Towel Day.
- March 22, 2019
- Banyon Hub Collaborator